Self harming- My Story

When people hear the word self harming or have learnt that someone has self harmed in the past or are doing so they usually automatically jump to the conclusion that they are attention seeking. some people dont know how to process the fact when someone tells them or they find out that they are self harming. this is my story of self harming hopefully it will help someone speak out or know what and what not to say to someone who has or is self harming.

 

I started self harming when i was in middle school around year 6. i dont really know excatley what prompted the self harming but to start with it wasn’t major self harming light scratches with a ruler or pieces of plastic, banging my wrist on the wall or floor. To the people around me i was a happy energetic girl with a temper towards other individuals to what the other teachers would call me a bully to be honest looking back i use to bully other students to cover up the fact i was unhappy with myself and the fact i was getting bullied. so as the year 6 was ending my self harming got more and more frequent. i do remember summer of year 6 i was at home and i self harmed using my moms razor and it did cut into my leg but i was so good at hiding it before my dad noticed blood on my leg so i just said i caught it on the radiator so i put the blood on it to try to cover it up i dont know to this day if he believed me or not. i know i wouldnt wear short sleeved tops always wore a jumper even on the hottest day we get, wouldnt wear shorts or skirts which my mom hated but i didnt want to them know what i was doing especially as i didnt fully understand myself.

year 8 my self harming was still continuing at this point i had a best mate whom i went to first school with found out and instead of talking to me about he decided to spread it round the school that i was self harming that is when the typical name calling like attention seeker, emo , freak , crazy got stuck to me. at one point some of the other students would come up to me and pretend to self harming and mimic it to my face and laugh at it . this continued all through the year. i tryed to cover it by bullying more kids to school hoping my bullying would stop so it looked like it wasnt effecting me but eventually it all got to much so i took my first overdose in school.

 

years passed till i was 14 and i was placed into a mental health hospital for my self harming because know it wasn’t scratched they were cuts on my arms legs thighs and stomach. it did kinda help abit not as much as i wanted to i came to the fact that it was a normal way to coping with my mental health. but i did eventually open up to why i did self harm see at the point of when i started i learnt more about my birth parents and what they did to me so in my eye and brain im blood related so i didnt want to carry there blood i didnt want to be like them that was one of the reason the other was due to the fact i thought i deserved to be in pain and to have pain inflicted in my eyes i was the reason everything messed up with my birth parents.

now im 22 and i have been self harm free for a year. it is still a struggle not to go back to self harming i still have the thoughts and feelings to self harm but it can be done.

 

if you know someone who self harms the best advice i can suggest is that BE THERE FOR THEM they going to try to push you away and lie to you and deny it

DON’T PUSH THEM into talking to you about it most people are scared to open up to others about they dont know how they are going to react if they do open up to them

ADVISE THEM to speak to a qualified person they can give the person the right advice and support before it gets too late

STICK UP FOR THEM  if they are getting bullied for self harming stand up to them even if they are not in your friend group you might save them from getting worse or doing something alot worse– trust me i would of liked if someone stuck up for me would of helped alittle

NOTICE THE LITTLE THINGS if they change in personality like mine was i dropped out of all sports activities in school, if they become distant if there grades start slipping if they are wearing thick jumpers in the summer on a boiling hot day.– again spotting the early signs could help them in the long run.

 

 

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Expressing Feeling– Good or Bad ?

Expressing feelings is something we are always told that is a good thing but really is it and who determines whether it is good because from my experience and the experiences i have heard off other people when they have expressed there feelings are bad. the feeling once they tell some one and open up always is negative people using them against them (throwing what they said back in there face). in other cases when telling other of how they are feeling they simple dont care and just ignore you and make you feel completley invisable so are we ment to speak up about feelings or not ?

 

Expressing your feelings without words is a common way people deal with themselves usually this comes after they have tried to speak how they are feeling but feel like no one is listening or wants to know. the common ways that i know that a person expresses there feelings are:

  1. Isolating themselves– taking them away from not only the situation that made them in this sate in the first place but away from the people they care about in fear of rejection if they find out how they are truely feeling (if they havent told them or told them the whole story) not wanting to be around people who they know deep deep down that they arre trying to help them but instead they feel like they are not worth the help.
  2. Lashing out– whether it is verbal or physical . whether its to themselves to others. this is what i call a cry for help. verbal lashing out usually comes before the physical. they will do anything  in there power to push your buttons by saying stuff that they know you will react to sometimes in my opinon this is usually a test to see if you are really going to be there for them that you are going to stick by them through whatever they are dealing with, to see if your going to abadon them in there time of need normally when this happens the person saying all the things they dont mean it and sometimes have no recall of themselves saying these things to you. physical abuse can be a number of things from :

Breaking property

writing on property

out of control behaviour

getting into fights

going out drinking every night

self harming

suicide

 

What i am trying to say is if your one of these people that tell others its okay to talk to me and to open up to me then when and if they do remember it takes alot for a person to open up so dont throw it back in there face, dont ignore what they tell you but dont be all up in there face , be sensitive be there for them and make them feel loved and accepted no matter what they are dealing with.

Celebritys how life effects them

Most people think celebrities have the best amazing exciting lives ever. They think they have everything and that they shouldnt do half the stuff (normal) people do.

Celebrities that start off at a young age usually end up how the public usually think acting out acting spolit and misbehaving in public and usually the public then start to say they have a massive impact of young kids and young adults.

in my eyes being a teenager and a celebrity is probably the most difficult experience ever. Trying to balance emotionals and trying to be a teenager and doing what teenagers do. Partying, experimenting and figuring out there own minds while always constantly being in the public eye.

 

Maybe people need to think and realise that they have feeling they have emotions and that they are still developing and trying to be normal and be in the public eye.

 

Just because they are celebrities doesnt mean they are not human .

 

Society and children

Society has a big impact on kids even adults

1) the way we dress

2) the way we should act

3) they way we behave

4) our body sizes and types

little kids are thrown into what society should expect of them. Little kids are worrying about the way people will see them hoping not to be judged by there hair

clothes

where they live

how much money there parents make

there size for being to “fat” too “thin”

how masculine they are

how feminine they are

What they are eating

who they live with (care home) (foster placements) (living with grandparents)

whether they are being spolit

whether they are being neglected

 

These things a child or kid should not have to be judgef by they are just children yet others do judge them for things they cant control things that they are maybe struggling with.

 

And people wounder why children are developing eating disorders, anti social behaviour, mental health etc we should be guiding them yes but we should didactic there how lives how are they ment to learn and how they ment to grow how are they ment to express themselve

 

i know when i was a kid expressing myself wasnt an option i had to what people wanted me to do and yes some where guiding me some wanted me to live my life how they expected me by there live experiences . Some try to mold me into something i was completely not some tried to mold me into a mini them some made me act the way they want me to act i had no room for learning expression experiences mistake my own life. Its did end up fucking me up not being able to express myself physical verbally and enotionaly and how i wanted the world to see me how i wanted society to see me.

 

You should let you children express themselves make there own choices (within reason of course ) pick there own paths (career wise you never know what they can achieve) if you choose and ditact all there lives they will most likely push you away i know from experience!

Intro to me

Welcome to the life of being invisible!

HI 🙂

To be honest blogging is all new for me. I guess im tired of being hidden, tired of not having a voice you all get that right when you have something to say and nobody bothers to listen to you or its like your not even there your invisible to them.

well let me tell you a couple of things about me

  1. I am a girl
  2. I am 22 years old
  3. I live on my own
  4. Life has been a complete bitch to me since the day I was born

 

I guess welcome to my blog and my fucked up  journey (which most people would call life)